I’m entitled to feel like this

Life is a slick little sucker ya know. Here I was, still enjoying the little high that I was on from landing my dream job, when all of a sudden I could feel the warm and fuzzies slowly leaving. Crap! I really wanted to stay in that happy place because it was a welcomed distraction to dealing with my grandmother’s death… and I really needed to smile for as long as possible because I wouldn’t know when my crying spell would hit again.

By mid week last week, I could tell that I was not in a good mood and would be in this funk for how ever long. It seemed like everything was just pinching at the last ounce of warm and fuzziness that I had left.

My oldest two decided to defy my instructions on not playing the video game, again. They’re starting to take advantage of their mama’s inability to stay up pass a certain hour on a Friday night. Yeah, yeah, yeah I’m getting old and have officially reached the stage in life where staying up past 10pm is living life on the edge. So I punished myself by punishing them with not being able to spend the weekend with friends and no electronics. Let me tell you, it was like doing 25 to life in a state prison this past weekend. I’m going to have give in next time or come up with done other punishment because it was HELL, umkay! Never discipline your kids when you’re in a foul mood because you only end up aggravating yourself even more… lesson learned.

Now, I’m into a new week and feeling like life needs to be a little more considerate and give me a minute to catch my breath. Yesterday was a month since grandma passed and I know that subconsciously my bad mood is really me trying too still deal with that. God, I never knew that I could ever miss someone so much. Where’s an Adele album for dealing with this kind of pain when I need it. Adele got me through my divorce, surely she has a song for this? In the meantime I’m in this funk and I’m going to be here and I’m thinking that I have every right to feel this way until I don’t feel this way anymore.   Ahhh, that felt good!

close up photo of crystal ball
Photo by Manfred Legasto Francisco on Pexels.com

13 thoughts on “I’m entitled to feel like this

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  1. So sorry for your loss. It sounds like the balancing act of feeling your feelings and also parenting is pretty weighty for you right now. Some people find these feelings easier to handle when they are able to share happy memories of their loved one with someone else. Other people find giving themselves specific time to be by themselves and let the flood gates open for 15 minutes really useful. I wonder if either of those ideas might help you?

    Either way, I wish you well and hope you find some peace and balance soon.

    Liked by 1 person

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