Showing Up When I Don’t Feel Like It

I almost didn’t write this week.

Not because I forgot, or didn’t care — but because I just didn’t feel like I had the strength.

Grief has been sitting with me lately. Sometimes loudly, sometimes quietly. Always there.

It’s been three years since my cousin Toine was taken from us. Three years, and the weight of that loss still shows up in unexpected ways. I’ll think I’m doing better, and then something shifts. A memory, a date, a silence that’s just a little too long.

And then recently, a close friend passed. Then, just last week, two friends of mine lost a young loved one — a tragedy no family should ever have to endure.

And suddenly, all the progress I thought I had made with my grief felt like it got snatched away.

I’ve been doing what I can to keep showing up for myself. Not because I feel like it — but because I know I have to.

Showing up, for me, looks different every day. Sometimes it’s writing. Sometimes it’s resting. Sometimes it’s just breathing through the moment and not letting the darkness take over.

This isn’t one of those posts with a perfect, packaged message.

It’s just a reminder that trying doesn’t always look like forward movement.

Sometimes trying is standing still, letting yourself feel, and still choosing to keep going.

So if you’re tired, or hurting, or carrying more than you know how to name — I see you.

You’re not alone in this.

And even on the days you don’t feel like it…

You’re still showing up.

And that matters.

If this post touched you in any way, I’d love to hear from you in the comments or over email. Thank you for holding space for me, as I try to keep showing up — one day at a time.