Soft Doesn’t Mean Weak: Thank God for Growth

I was having a conversation with my niece and sister yesterday when my niece boldly told my sister that she had “gotten soft.” I laughed because I, too, have been accused of going soft in my parenting journey. My oldest son once told me that I was way tougher on him as the firstborn than I was on his youngest brother. He looked at me and said, “Mama, you’ve gone soft on me, girl.”

As a parent, I can look back and honestly see how different I was with each of my boys. With my firstborn, I have to admit—I was tough and strict. I had him and his brother in my 20s, when I was still figuring out who I was. By the time my third came along in my mid-30s, I had changed. I had more life experience, more patience, and a lot more understanding.

When I had my first child, I was clueless about what to do as a parent. Luckily, I had an amazing support system in my family. I don’t want to say they took over being Mom, but they stepped in and showed me what gentler parenting looked like. At Grandma’s house, they could do just about anything. My house? That was the house of rules. And at the time, I thought that balance was perfect.

Fast forward to my third son by then, I was tired. He got away with a lot (and still does). But I’ve also grown. I learned what battles were worth fighting, and which moments simply needed grace. By the time my youngest came along, I understood that discipline and love don’t have to compete. I could correct my children and still leave space for softness.

My oldest and I have had our ups and downs in this parent/child journey, but that’s my dude. I love that kid. I still hold him accountable, but I’ve learned the power of coming back after conflict of showering him with love and understanding. And you know what? He responds so much better to that. The same goes for my middle child he’s always been my steady one, the kind of child you could sit somewhere and know he’d still be there when you came back. Now my oldest and youngest? Yeah… not so much!

So, in my sister’s defense against my niece’s comment about her “going soft,” I say she hasn’t gone soft, she’s grown. And that’s something to be respected and admired, especially as a parent. Growth looks like patience. It looks like choosing peace instead of proving a point. It looks like learning that open communication with your kids matters more than having the last word.

Parenting today is no joke, especially with the constant noise and influence of social media. But I truly believe that when you lay a solid foundation, it sticks. I see it in myself and my siblings. My mom, a single mother after her divorce, did an incredible job raising us. We aren’t perfect, but that foundation she laid? It’s what we all came back to. Some things we had to unlearn, others we’ve carried forward into our own parenting. Either way, thank God for growth.

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5 Ways to Keep Open Lines of Communication with Your Kids

1. Create judgment-free zones.
   Sometimes kids don’t open up because they fear being judged or lectured. Try creating safe spaces like car rides, late-night talks, or while cooking, where they can talk freely and know you’ll listen first, not correct first.
2. Ask open-ended questions.
   Instead of “How was your day?” try “What made you laugh today?” or “What was something that didn’t go the way you wanted?” Open-ended questions invite real, honest conversation.
3. Be honest about your own growth.
   Let them see that you’re still learning too. When I admit, “Hey, I might’ve overreacted,” it not only humbles me, it teaches my boys that it’s okay to own mistakes.
4. Keep showing up, even when it’s uncomfortable.
   Kids, especially teens, might act like they don’t need you, but they do. Stay consistent in your presence. That consistency builds trust, and trust keeps communication flowing.
5. Lead with love, even in correction.
   Discipline hits different when it’s wrapped in love, not frustration. Always circle back after tough moments to remind your child they’re deeply loved.

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So, to my niece FiFi, thank you for the entertaining conversation and the reminder that growth looks good on all of us.

And to every parent reading this, remember: soft doesn’t mean weak, it means wise. It means you’ve learned that strength can be gentle.

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It’s Your Turn:

Take a few minutes this week to really check in with your kids. Ask how they’re doing, what’s been on their minds, or what’s making them happy lately. Start the conversation, even if it feels awkward at first. Communication doesn’t just happen it’s built, one honest moment at a time.

Thank God for growth and for the love that keeps teaching us along the way. 💛