I’m not ready for this

I hyperventilate from the thought of what is about to become my new normal. My oldest boy is interested in girls, like really interested in girls. He’s going to kill me when I finds out that he’s the subject of this post but I’m completely beside myself and I just can’t deal.

So this young man has a so called girlfriend. How do I know? He told me. In fact he told me about a month ago and I’ve tried to shut it out of my mind ever since. But hey, at least he told me, right? I mean most parents want their children to be open and honest with them, right? I’m not so sure if I’m ready for all of this though.

I’ll tell you what else I’m not ready for…”the talk.” I guess I thought that I still had time to enjoy my boys as little boys for at least another thirty years. Ok, I’m being unrealistic. I guess maybe another twenty is more realistic. I have to laugh at myelf to keep from having another anxiety attack about the fact that time is not considering my feelings and is just zooming by with my little boy in tow.

There has to be some sort of parenting book, specifically for moms of boys, that is pretty much dedicated to the phase when they don’t want to your little boys anymore. I feel another anxiety attack coming on. Just breath, girl. Ok back to my agony. This oldest boy of mine not only decided to get him a so called girlfriend, but he also got this young lady a birthday gift. How do I know? Well, a package came to the house addressed to him, and I did what every black mom that I know does when mail comes in their children’s name, I opened it.

To my surprise, the package included a really nice necklace with the young lady’s initial on it. On one hand, I thought, “how nice of him?”, on the other hand I freaked out that he was at the buying gifts stage of this thing. That escalated quickly. My coworkers laughed at my pain and only told me that I needed to be prepared to have “the talk” with him because things are really different for our children these days. I’m going to need a bottle of wine. Truly, she’s trying not to freak out but to try and be ready for the next phase of boyhood for my oldest.

I mean, I was just freaking out about the boy playing Fortnite entirely too much but I think I’d rather have that than what we’re dealing with now. I’m grateful that he feels comfortable enough to tell his dad, who actually purchased the necklace for him because I wouldn’t let him use his own debit card, but I’m not so sure how to feel when he wants to open up to me about…you know what. I’m just not ready. Y’all pray my strength and check on me constantly because I’m not ok.

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