The Learning

Some of my best lessons came from some of the hardest times in my life.

During my divorce, I learned so much about myself as a young mother and just how unstoppable I could be when my effort and determination were aligned. That season shaped me professionally and fueled my desire to build the best possible life for my boys. And if I’m being honest, I think I did a pretty good job with that.

Fast forward seven years later, and I find myself in what I thought was the opportunity of a lifetime. I was doing well for myself and my family, but it did not take long for me to realize that I was in a toxic environment.

And if there is one thing I now know for sure, it is this. Nothing meaningful grows in a toxic environment.

During this phase, I realized that I needed to rely on my relationship with God in a way I never had before. I had to learn a new way of doing things, and that meant full and total dependency on Him.

For most of my life, I had been used to figuring things out on my own. And to be fair, I had done a really good job of doing just that. But this time was different. It became clear very quickly that I was not going to be able to “figure this one out” the way I always had.

That realization was hard for me to accept.

As a Black woman who has never had anything handed to her, I took pride in being able to make things happen. You know the type. The one who gets told she cannot do something, and somehow finds a way to do it anyway.

Yeah… this time was different.

This season required me to learn in a completely different way. It was not about pushing harder or figuring it out faster. It was about surrender.

Some of the hardest, but most necessary lessons I learned during this time were:

• Deepening my prayer life and getting closer to God
  • Set aside some quite time to just listen. Also, journal your thoughts and prayers. My conversations with God became like conversations with a friend and very informal.
• Relinquishing my need for control
  • Remind yourself that control is often a response to past hurt and it is ok to let it go. You can start with letting go of the small things and then you will quickly realize how little the big things actually affect you.
• Accepting that some losses are blessings in disguise
  • This is where learning to let things go come into play. Grieve the loss, write down what you’ve learned, and know that everything that leaves your life is meant to be replaced.
• Recognizing the peace that can come from solitude
  • Spend some intentional time alone away from distractions. My garden provides the most beautiful distraction when life hits me hard. If gardening is not your thing, just rest without feeling guilty.

None of these lessons came easy. In fact, most of them went against everything I had trained myself to be.

But looking back now, I can see that I was not just learning how to survive another difficult season. I was learning how to live differently.

Have you ever gone through a season where life forced you to learn in a way you did not expect?

What did that season teach you about yourself?