Parenthood: Planned and Unplanned

I read an article the other day about how rapper Cardi B was going to stay home a little longer to be with her newborn baby. She’s a first time mom and like all first time moms, she had no idea what to expect from this new experience she’s in. Every pregnancy is different, every birth is different, every woman is different, and every child is different. Kudos to those mother’s famous or not famous that can so call “snap back” really quick and kudos to those mother’s that cannot.

Well in the comments section of the article, some women, mothers, were taking the new mom to taks about her being able to stay out of work longer and care for her child. Some were mad that this new mother had actually set herself up in a better situation than they or a friend had.

I added my two cents and made a comment (I’m always fussing at my sister for making very opinionated comments on a public posts, and I just did it). The jist of my comment was to simply plan better and don’t knock another woman for having a better parenting situation.

I just knew that I was gonna get hit with a barage of bitter Betty replies, but only one. That one though made me reply back ( don’t say it, I wasn’t arguing on social media). I reiterated my point about how sometimes we aren’t able to plan for parenthood with maybe your first child, but after the first child, you’ve learned quite a bit about what it takes to become a parent.

Not wanting to sound self-righteous, but the commentor tried to make it a race issue, which was totally off topic from the article and my initial comment, so I had to address that. I’m well aware, as a black woman, about many racial inequities that we endure, but I have to be accountable for I can control, i.e., raising my children.

When I had my first son, I was not fully prepared to be out of work for 12 weeks under FMLA because I had not planned for it. So when my 6 weeks were up, I had to go back to work because I failed to get short term disability, which would have helped to supplement some of my missed income, and I had not accumulated enough paid leave. That was all my fault.

However, when I had my second and third sons, I made sure I was prepared as best as I could be. I had not used up my paid leave, and I made sure I had short term diasbility and/or other insurance that would supplement my income. There are not a lot of women that have access to the things that I have mentioned and a lot of times, they can’t control that. I get it, I’ve been there, and I’ve learned from it.

If it were left up to me, I would give up to 12 weeks paid leave to all working mothers that went out to give birth and care for their children. I would want them to have adequate and affordable healthcare as well.

I’m hoping that I come off as being judgmental or self righteous because that’s not my objective. I just don’t think that its fair to discount one mother’s ability or lack of ability to stay out of work to take care of their child. My journey into parenthood wasn’t planned and I wish that had planned it a little better, and ten years in, I’m learning something new everyday.

I mean, I wish I had Cardi B’s money because I would surely pay off my mortgage first and start my own business, but I am definitely not going to knock her or any other woman for being able to stay home with their children simply because I could or couldn’t. You would think that another mother would understand that better than anyone else, right?

Give me your feedback…

2 thoughts on “Parenthood: Planned and Unplanned

Add yours

  1. K, I just want to say I love reading your blog and this post really struck me because I try to stay out of comments sections too, but also sometimes get dragged in, reading all the angry comments and stewing over them. (Also I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time Googling Cardi B’s plastic surgery.) OH WELL.


    1. 🤣🤣🤣 Cat, I have an image of you and your Google search results stuck in my head now. I’m going to stay out of the comments of controversial posts for now…I think. Well at least I’ll try 🤷🏾


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